The 7 Beauty Stages of a Romantic Relationship
Love is a wonderful thing, but so are beauty products. So when a beauty girl finds herself in a romantic relationship, it's never truly monogamous—her beauty stash is part of the equation, too. Think of it as a lipstick-centric ménage à trois: There's you, your paramour, and your insane beauty habits.
But when you start dating someone new, you never introduce them to your makeup, hair, and skincare all at once—it might freak them out and send them for the hills. So you gently introduce them to your beauty behaviours bit by bit, starting with unobjectionable habits like your Friday night double-mask routine and gradually inching toward the crazy, until you've been together for seven years and think it's completely normal pop each other's blackheads (is that just me?).
To illustrate this, we've put together the following timeline of how your beauty relationship evolves alongside your romantic one. Keep scrolling to discover the seven stages of a romantic relationship, as told through beauty products.
Stage 1: You Expose How Ridiculous Your Product Stash Really Is
Into the Gloss
Your new beloved should probably know what they're getting themselves into up front. So around the three-month mark, you stop toting around that modest travel makeup bag, and you give up pretending that it only takes you 15 minutes to get ready. They need to know that you own 17 bottles of face mist. They don't have to condone it; they just need to know.
Stage 2: You Stop Washing Your Hair/Showering As Much
Oribe Gold Lust Dry Shampoo ($57)
We all act super hygienic in the early stages of a relationship, but love doesn't truly blossom until your new partner understands that you only wash your hair once and a week and may or may not actually shower daily. When dry shampoo and shower sheets ($15) exist, who has time for all that?!
Stage 3: You Let Them See You in Pimple Cream
Mario Badescu Drying Lotion ($24)
At a certain point, you find yourselves sleeping over each other's houses all the time, so this stage is only inevitable. Whereas in the very beginning you did your best to pretend you did not have pimples, now you're comfortable walking around all night with a face covered in acne cream. They might ask you what's all over your face at first, but just watch: Next time they get a zit, they'll come crawling.
Stage 4: Your True Body Hair Habits Reveal Themselves
There's a pretty narrow window of what's "normal" when it comes to female body hair, and eventually it's just too hard to pretend. Whether your authentic behaviours involve ritualistically plucking in-grown hairs, administering at-home Brazilians, or giving up hair removal altogether, Stage 4 is when it all emerges.
Stage 5: The Sheet Masks Come Out
Tony Moly I'm Real Red Wine Mask Sheet ($18)
Sheet masks look legitimately terrifying, especially to people who aren't used to them; so you've got to be at a stage in your relationship where you're sure they won't jump ship before adding a sheet mask to your romantic nights in. When a person loves you in a sheet mask, that's when you know it's the real deal.
Stage 6: You Let Them Witness a Baby Foot Treatment
Baby Foot Foot Peel Lavender ($32)
Actually, I take that back. When a person loves you even as the skin on your feet is shedding like a snake, that's when you know their marriage material. Let's just say when you start revealing your nuttiest (grossest) beauty treatments—Baby Foot, at-home extractions—and your partner's still into you, you might as well propose immediately.
Stage 7: They Start Adopting All Your Wacky Beauty Habits
Once you've been together for 800 years, they're so used to your beauty obsession that they actually start to like it. Seven years deep into my relationship, my boyfriend is now just as into Bioré pore strips and fancy sunscreen as I am. As our forefathers once said, the couple that engages in bizarre beauty treatments together stays together.
What of these stages are you in with your significant other? Tell us in the comments below!